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Books Written as Ernie Vance

Ernie Vance is a pen name that I use when writing books that feature nerdy humor and general absurdity. The sole release under that author name right now is Definitely True: Year One, a compendium of the first year of regularly lies posted at

Definitely True: Year One

A collection of lies from Jason van Gumster
Definitely True: Year One

“The western coast of the Bering Strait is made out of chocolate.”

“James Kingswell, a high school teacher in the late 1930s, was the first person on record to be able to lick his own eyebrow.”

“Cocker spaniels can rotate their heads 720°, but only in one direction.”

“Nitroglycerin was originally used as a spice for tacos.”

These are examples of the delicious nuggets of misinformation packed into the pages of this book. There are 365 of them; one for each day of the year. Read through each one a day at a time, blow through them all at once, or use the handy (and thorough) index to find a lie about nearly any topic, from abbreviations to zoos.

A lie for every occasion! A misdirect for each day! A saddle for every ferret! Of course you can ride a ferret!

Approximately 44 hamsters died in their hamster wheels in order to transmit this message to your computer.

Definitely True: Year One