Contrary to legend, wild predators are actually incapable of smelling fear. However, their fleas are highly attuned to it… and they let their host know, whispering like the tiny flesh-eating demons that they are. This is actually why flea colonies tend to gather near an animal’s ears. It’s the easiest way to be heard. As… Read more »
Posts Tagged: lies
The first canoes were carved from stone. They weren’t particularly effective and the first functional canoes would’ve been invented a lot sooner if the years devoted to carving that one stone canoe were spent paying closer attention to which materials were actually buoyant. The wooden canoe inventors were quite bitter. In fact, even up into… Read more »
It’s absolutely impossible for a person to involuntarily have his or her eyes and mouth closed at the same time. Keeping both closed requires a conscious effort. This is why everyone’s mouth is open when they sleep and why you feel like yawning every time you blink your eyes. It’s also why they train salespeople… Read more »
Contrary to popular opinion, house slippers don’t carry that name because they’re easy to slip on your feet. In fact, they’re actually quite difficult to put on and wear. The real origin of their name comes from their true purpose in home foundation repair. If you place one house slipper at each corner of your… Read more »
Penguins are really tropical birds. All photographs, film, and video footage depicting them in cold climates have been complete fabrications to deceive you and convince you that these delicious, delicious birds are native to the an entirely wrong part of the world.
For 42% of the population, it’s impossible to differentiate between the sound of a train whistle and that of mass applause. That’s why so many people experience high anxiety in large crowds. They fear that everyone will spontaneously begin clapping and summon a train to come and crash through them all.
Porcupines, armadillos, and opossums are the only remaining evidence of an Earth invasion by a biomechanical cyborg army. Individuals in that alien army were very small, though. In fact, the aforementioned animals were differently-classed transport carriers. Respectively, they were the assault transport, armored transport, and reconnaissance transport vehicles. Each carried a squad of roughly five… Read more »
Pour enough ground coffee on a corpse and you’ll be able to resuscitate that person back from the dead. The only issue is that, for a human body, it takes roughly a ton of ground coffee… and each ground must make direct contact with the body at the same time.
When a cat chases it’s tail, it’s not because it’s been possessed with the spirit of a dog. The cat has actually been possessed by a sleeping infant who thinks it’s dreaming… and is absolutely confused about how a tail has grown so quickly.
A blunderbuss is not, in fact, a gun. The term is exclusively reserved for transport vehicles for school field trips when the inevitably become lost. The confusion with being called a gun arose when one of these blunderbusses stumbled its way to a circus and the only logical way to return the bus (and the… Read more »